Jan. 22, 2003

COLLEGE STATION – Military personnel have a lot of preparations to make before being shipped out. And dealing with their gear and job duties may be the easiest part.

Saying good-bye to loved ones can be the most difficult part of any military operation – especially when those loved ones are children.

Deployment is a stressful event for military families, said Nancy Granovsky, Texas Cooperative Extension family economics specialist and project director for Operation READY. Unfortunately children often seem to be hit hardest by these emotions.

Operation READY (Resources for Educating About Deployment and You), developed by Texas Cooperative Extension in cooperation with California Cooperative Extension, is a mobilization and deployment training program developed for the Department of Army and U.S. Army Community and Family Support Center.

When one or both parents serve in the military, deployment is a fact of family life. But when orders come, the family – especially the children – might be caught unprepared, said Diane Wisneski, Extension assistant with Operation READY.

Operation READY's "The Soldier/Family Deployment Survival Handbook" is available online; go to http://www.goacs.org

Click on the link to deployment readiness.

When deployment orders come, the family stress level is likely to skyrocket, Granovsky said, and children's behavior might reflect that stress.

It's not unusual for their normal behavior to be replaced by temper tantrums, sleep and appetite changes and nightmares. The Army Family Readiness Handbook states bedwetting, picking fights and resisting authority, slipping grades and discipline problems are not unusual in children whose parents are shipping out.

Parents are advised: Don't be too hard on the kids, said Granville Tyson, Extension associate with Operation READY.

One military counselor quoted in the handbook said: "Children need stability. Look at it this way. If one of the two most important people in your life were constantly coming and going – here two weeks, gone two weeks, home two days, gone again – wouldn't your security be shaken a little? Imagine what it does to the children!"

Parents acknowledging their own feelings can help the children get a handle on theirs, the handbook went on.

And above all, communication between family members is the best tool to help family members deal with high levels of stress, Granovsky said.

The handbook has some practical steps parents can take to help their children deal with their parent's deployment – before, during and after:

- Before shipping out, parents who are leaving need to take some time to explain to their children – at the children's level of understanding – what the deployment will mean to the family. Trying to give them some idea as to how long the separation will be is also important.

- Get the whole family together to talk about their feelings. Remember: Communication is the key to helping everybody get through this tough, emotional time. Talk about how different things will be when one parent (or, in some families, both) is gone and what things may be like when he or she returns.

- Departing service personnel also need to spend some quality one-on-one time with each of their children before leaving.

- Take pictures of each child with the departing parent. After the parent leaves, hang the pictures in the child's room, at his or her eye level.

- Wherever and whenever possible, keep to the same family routine after deployment. But allow enough flexibility to include some special events, such as visits to zoos or museums, movies and family dinners out.

- Encourage letter-writing between parent and child. The children might want to send some of their drawings or schoolwork to their deployed parent too.

- Work with the children's teachers to head off negative changes in behavior. Make sure children understand that separations often bring changes in both parent and child, and such changes are normal and does not change their parents' love for them.

- When the parent comes home, make the reunion a family celebration – reserve husband and wife alone-time for later – but don't be surprised if the children act out in anger or show insecurity. Keep together as a family for a few days so everyone can readjust to each other. Visits with relatives and friends can wait a few days.

For more information, visit the Army Community Service Web site at http://www.goacs.org